The Unwritten Rules of First Dates: How to Avoid Becoming a Reddit Horror Story

​Introduction:​​

Scroll through any online dating forum, and you'll find a treasure trove of first-date horror stories. While these tales are hilarious to read, they are absolute nightmares to live through. The common thread? Someone, usually unknowingly, violated one of the unwritten rules of dating etiquette.

These rules aren't about using the right fork; they're about basic respect, self-awareness, and social grace. By learning from the most epic fails shared by real people on Reddit, you can ensure you're the one who gets a second date—not the one who becomes a cautionary tale. Here’s your guide to the things you should ​never, ever do​ on a first date.

​The "Please Don't Do This" Checklist: Lessons from Dating Disasters​

​1. Never Bring a Surprise Guest. Especially Your Parent.​​

• ​The Horror Story:​​ "He showed up to our dinner date with his mom in tow. He said she was ‘just curious’ and wanted to ‘give her approval.’ She spent the evening interrogating me about my financial goals and whether I planned to breastfeed my future children."
• ​The Unwritten Rule:​​ A first date is for two people to connect. Bringing anyone else—a friend, a sibling, and especially a parent—is incredibly awkward and puts immense pressure on your date. It signals a lack of independence and boundaries.
• ​What to Do Instead:​​ Go alone. If you have dependency or anxiety issues, address them through therapy, not by bringing a chaperone.

​2. Never Lie to Impress. It WillBackfire.​​

• ​The Horror Story:​​ "My date spent the whole evening bragging about his ‘private jet charter business.’ The waiter came by and said, ‘Hey Mike, great shift last night! Your tables said you were an amazing server.’ He turned bright red. He was a waiter who lied about his job."
• ​The Unwritten Rule:​​ Authenticity is magnetic; fabrication is fatal. Lies, big or small, destroy trust before it can even be built. You are there to see if you like the realperson, not a fictional character.
• ​What to Do Instead:​​ Be proud of who you are and what you do. If you're between jobs, say you're "in transition" or "exploring new opportunities." Confidence in your own story is far more impressive than a fabricated one.

​3. Never Be Rude to Service Staff.​​

• ​The Horror Story:​​ "He snapped his fingers at the waiter, complained about the wine, and then left a terrible tip. I was so embarrassed. I left cash on the table to cover my meal and a proper tip, then told him it wasn't going to work."
• ​The Unwritten Rule:​​ How a person treats someone who can do nothing for them (like a server) is a direct window into their character. Rudeness is an immediate and non-negotiable deal-breaker.
• ​What to Do Instead:​​ Be polite, say "please" and "thank you," and treat staff with respect. It’s the easiest green flag to display.

​4. Never Spend the Whole Date on Your Phone.​​

• ​The Horror Story:​​ "She scrolled through Instagram for a solid 10 minutes while I was mid-sentence. When I stopped talking, she looked up and said, ‘Sorry, what? I was just tagging myself in this post.’"
• ​The Unwritten Rule:​​ Your phone should be invisible. Glancing at it tells your date they are less important than whatever is on your screen.
• ​What to Do Instead:​​ Put your phone on silent and face down on the table. Give them the gift of your full attention.

​5. Never Overshare or Trauma Dump.​​

• ​The Horror Story:​​ "Within 20 minutes, he was detailing his acrimonious divorce, his financial troubles, and his childhood trauma. I felt like I was his therapist, not his date."
• ​The Unwritten Rule:​​ A first date is a light-hearted get-to-know-you session, not a therapy appointment. Oversharing creates intense, inappropriate intimacy and is a massive red flag for emotional baggage.
• ​What to Do Instead:​​ Keep the conversation light and balanced. Talk about hobbies, travel, interests, and positive goals. Save the heavy stuff for when trust is established.

​6. Never Drink Too Much.​​

• ​The Horror Story:​​ "He had four martinis before our appetizers arrived. He then stood up to ‘demonstrate his dance moves’ and knocked over the dessert cart. The manager asked us to leave."
• ​The Unwritten Rule:​​ Have one drink to take the edge off, if you want. Getting drunk shows a lack of self-control and puts your date in an uncomfortable and potentially unsafe position.
• ​What to Do Instead:​​ Stick to a two-drink maximum. If you're nervous, opt for a mocktail. Your clarity and composure are more attractive than liquid courage.

​7. Never Discuss Your Ex (or Ask About Theirs)​​

• ​The Horror Story:​​ "She spent an hour complaining about her ‘psycho ex-boyfriend.’ I learned all about their sex life, his mother, and why he was a loser. I felt like I knew him better than I knew her."
• ​The Unwritten Rule:​​ Talking about an ex signals that you are not over them. It immediately kills the romantic mood and makes you seem emotionally unavailable.
• ​What to Do Instead:​​ If the topic comes up, be brief and neutral. "We wanted different things, but I learned a lot from the relationship," and then change the subject.

​8. Never Skip Basic Grooming and Hygiene.​​

• ​The Horror Story:​​ "He showed up in stained sweatpants and smelled like he’d just run a marathon. I could not get past it."
• ​The Unwritten Rule:​​ Your appearance shows respect for yourself and your date. It doesn't require being a model, but it does require basic effort.
• ​What to Do Instead:​​ Wear clean, appropriate clothes, brush your teeth, and use deodorant. It’s the bare minimum.

​Conclusion: Your Goal is a Green Flag, Not a Reddit Post​

The essence of all these unwritten rules boils down to one simple principle: ​be a considerate, present, and authentic human being.​​

A successful first date isn't about being perfect; it's about being pleasant. It's about making the other person feel comfortable, respected, and interesting. By avoiding these classic pitfalls, you won't just avoid becoming a horror story—you'll become the person everyone hopes to match with: a safe, respectful, and genuinely good date.

Now go forth, be cool, and leave the horror stories to everyone else.