​The Video Call Rule: Why You Should Always FaceTime Before Meeting​

​Introduction​

You've been chatting with someone for weeks. The conversation flows effortlessly, their profile pictures look genuine, and you're excited to meet in person. But when you suggest a quick video call, they suddenly become evasive. This common scenario isn't just frustrating—it's a major red flag. In today's digital dating landscape, a pre-meeting video call has become the single most effective filter for authenticity and safety. Here's why this simple step can save you from wasted time, emotional disappointment, and potentially dangerous situations.

​Part 1: The Critical Importance of Video Verification​

​Safety First: Beyond Catfishing​

While most people fear classic catfishing (using fake photos), video calls reveal deeper concerns:

• ​Identity Verification: Confirms the person matches their photos and isn't using stolen images
• ​Environment Clues: Their background reveals lifestyle consistency (e.g., claiming to be a doctor but calling from a messy room)
• ​Behavior Patterns: Observe how they interact in real-time versus curated messages

​Efficiency Filter​

• ​Time Saver: A 10-minute call can reveal dealbreakers that might take 3 dates to discover
• ​Chemistry Check: The tone of voice, laughter, and eye contact often translate differently on video than through text
• ​Intent Verification: Serious daters will happily video chat; those hiding something will make excuses

​Part 2: How to Naturally Suggest a Video Call​

​Timing Matters​

• ​Ideal Window: After establishing rapport but before emotional investment (typically 3-7 days of consistent messaging)
• ​Avoid: Proposing video calls as your first message or after weeks of texting

​Natural Conversation Scripts​

Casual Approach:

"I'm really enjoying our conversations! Would you be up for a quick video chat this week? I find it's easier to connect before meeting in person."

Practical Approach:

"With my busy schedule, I like to do a quick video call before planning dates. Are you free for 15 minutes on Thursday evening?"

Playful Approach:

"Alright, I have to admit—I'm much funnier when you can see my facial expressions. Want to test that theory over a quick video call?"

​Part 3: What to Observe During the Video Call​

​Consistency Checks​

1. ​Appearance vs. Photos: Do they look like their dating profile pictures? Note significant differences in age, weight, or style
2. ​Environment Consistency: If they claim to be a professional, does their background match? Are there red flags like excessive mess or suspicious items?
3. ​Story Verification: Do details from conversation match their previous messages? Watch for hesitation or inconsistency in their stories

​Behavioral Green Flags​

• Maintains comfortable eye contact (not staring or avoiding)
• Asks questions about you and listens actively
• Natural laughter and authentic facial expressions
• Respects time boundaries (ends call when suggested)

​Behavioral Red Flags​

• Camera angled strangely or face consistently obscured
• Repeatedly distracted (checking phone, other screens)
• Pressures you to turn on your camera while keeping theirs off
• Inappropriate comments or premature sexual references

​Part 4: Handling Rejection or Excuses​

​Common Excuses and Responses​

"I'm not comfortable with video calls"

Response: "I understand—it can feel awkward at first. Maybe we could start with a quick 5-minute call?"

"My camera is broken"

Response: "No problem! Most smartphones have front and back cameras—maybe we could try the other one?"

"I prefer to meet in person"

Response: "I'd love that too! I just like to do a quick video chat first for safety reasons. It helps me feel more comfortable."

​When to Walk Away​

If someone consistently refuses video calls after 2-3 polite requests, consider it a major warning sign. Genuine people will understand and respect your safety concerns.

​Part 5: Making the Most of Your Video Date​

​Preparation Tips​

• Choose a neutral, well-lit background
• Test your audio and video beforehand
• Have a natural end time planned ("I have 20 minutes before I need to...")

​Conversation Starters​

• "What's something you're excited about this week?"
• "Tell me about that [item in their background] I can see"
• "What got you interested in [shared hobby]?"

​Post-Call Evaluation​

• Did you feel comfortable and safe?
• Was the conversation balanced?
• Did their energy match their messaging style?

​Conclusion: Your Time and Safety Are Precious​

A video call isn't just about verifying appearances—it's about respecting your own time and emotional energy. In the few minutes it takes to FaceTime, you can gather more authentic information than weeks of texting. Remember: anyone worth meeting will understand why this step matters. Trust your instincts—if something feels off during the call, it probably is. Your safety and peace of mind are always worth protecting.